how can u be prego again
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
