It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
