i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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