you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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