turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
