This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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