there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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