I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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