he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have fence marks all over my body
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
