I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
