try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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