you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
