Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
