So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
