Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
