I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
