Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
