dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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