I feel great
I just peed on a car
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize