all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
