Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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