i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
