I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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