I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
