I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
