I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I hate all girls vehemently.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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