And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm like, not good at living.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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