It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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