Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
