I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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