Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
