I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You don't make any sense
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