Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
