I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
