The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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