I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
