Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize