I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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