i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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