How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
