she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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