Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
