Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
