you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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