pop tarts are not kleenex
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
