i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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