She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
