It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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