i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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