Where did you get a picture of my penis
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize