every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
