i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
