yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
