dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
