You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
