you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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