i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
