Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
