So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
