3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
