So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You smell like stripper and shame
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im holly from the hills drunk
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
