Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
