Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
