I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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