Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
