Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
