just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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