we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize