if i can run in heels then i can drive
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
