Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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