For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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