I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
