I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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