The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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