Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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