Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
