Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
