I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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