wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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