I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize