Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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