Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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