I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
