New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
