You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
