If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
