I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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