I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
