You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
