highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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