We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
