i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
