i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
