I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
