Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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