Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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