Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
