I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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