I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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